Blogdrive entry: June 10, 2006
Why do I admire you?
You’ve been a good friend for quite some time already. I had witnessed your ups and downs. I’ve been there when you needed someone to share a quiet moment with. I’ve seen you fall helplessly in love with a wrong man. I was always moved with your silent war that you fought endlessly with everyone who slaps the miserable fate you got yourself into. You very well know how I stood against with what you felt. You very well knew everyone stood against with what you felt. Yet you held on to what you have – foolish genuine love. Though I irk each time you flash that suppressed giggles every time he walked by, I admire you for being so brave to keep a love that could never happen.
Yes, I admired you dear friend.
I was once wore your shoe for seven years. I had the worst and the best days of my life then. That’s why I understood you all along. Believe me, I did. And forgive me for showing earnest rudeness to reiterate my contradiction. I just know how agonizing it is. I saw myself in you years ago.
Forgive me and forgive me not by stepping in your life.
I never knew I did what I did was wrong till that Wednesday night. Your drowsiness and the reign of alcohol in your bloodstream was all you needed to unearth all the pains sulking beneath. Fighting to keep your words straight, you voiced all the guilt that haunted you. I know you never planned to hurt the person I carefully picked for you. I felt how sorry you were on what you finally thought was the realization of your dreams but was haunted by that miserable love you painstakingly tried to get over with. I have to admit, I was upset that you let go of your “sincerest shot to happiness”. I have to admit that I was mad at you for you let yourself be governed with a man who’s too sissy to fight for his love and too self-seeking to let you, someone who loves him in silence, hang on false hopes. I was outraged for the man you’d derelict was not only a man I hold dear but also a man I believed to be the best man there is. He could have been your happiness. He could have been all you wanted and needed. But you wanted more, and you needed less.
It was absurd, yes.
How a princess could yearn for a prince who would build castles in the air but at the same time still longs for a slug who sucked her hopefulness on her journey? You so much wanted to be loved. An exclusive-more-than-the-whole-world-could-give type of love you had familiarized yourself with on your trashy romance novels. Blame the fairytales they say, for you desire a prince charming that simply does not exist. You believed you met him. I so much second your motion. I believed he gave you everything there is to give. Give it back you could not for fear that you end up cut, sliced, and skinned. The image of that slug who made you believe loving and not owning is the greatest feeling in this world haunted your search.
Yourself is the best thing that you have.
And I would always pray for your happiness. Keep what you believe in though I disagree on some of it. You had always been a strong girl. I had always been proud of you dear. And whatever happens I'd always be.
--to be continued—
Dear friend,
I just want you to know that I admire you and will always will for the person that you are. You proved me that I can dream big because I can be big. With your search for your prince charming, you accidentally made me realize that prince charming’s are not all royalties. Their swords are not solely to protect me from anyone who could hurt me, but to shield me from myself too. their faces vary but their utmost sincerity reverberates their kind soul. Lastly, I hope you’re with me as I believe through you that prince charming’s do exist, they’re not perfect but real.