I am fond of having crushes. As much as I want to think that they are just silly nuisances for a boring day, they are really quite nice to keep. Well, for the most part, I learn from them. They don't have to be good-looking, that's the first requirement. They have to be really, as in really smart. I hate good-looking men who's just that: good-looking. This crush, The Writer, I know I can't have romantically. For one, he is into writing that I know he'll be preferring someone of the same league.  We can have really good conversations, I know he's trying to know me, engage me, or see me more than his fan-girl, but my honest answers of "I don't know that", "Really", "Wow", which were clearly out of ignorance, doesn't attract him. I'm a fan girl. Period. But I really like him though. The way he spends time with those who wants to be like him is so humble and selfless. 

Today I swear not to vent out useless and make-up excuses for not facing my responsibilities. I am, in the contrary, going to make use of all my pinned down frustrations and hell-break-loose temper to rape the keyboard and accomplish the tasks only a manic-better-me can do.

It would start as soon as I toss my phones aside and close a couple of websites and face what needs to be done. Silly me, no great thing can be achieved easily. Everything worth having is also worth the sacrifice. I once read that when you do something for your betterment or of others, it's not sacrifice, it's investment. How about I invest on my integrity? patience? intelligence? honesty?


I'm reliving this blog! Yey! I hope to see changes, though. Since the-crush bought me a notebook for Christmas, I was too giddy to fill the pages to even bother turning on the computer for some blogging. Plus, I feel quite uncomfortable publicizing my thoughts already. I really will to be secretive these days. I swear to keep my mouth shut unless it'll encourage and asked. My wit most of the time works against me.

Yay! I haven't blogged for a really long time. I plan to make it grand. A comeback with all the spectacle and revelations that I already changed-a lot. But none really seemed make sense yet. Updates? I have loads of homeworks to finish. The main thing probably is the thesis that I badly need to start working on. Here comes procrastination again. :)

It all started with a youth service that felt like victory weekend to me. My tears fell violently, endlessly it seemed. God reprimanded me lovingly. I was reminded He's constantly mindful of the nitty details of my circumstances, be still, He said. Darn. How can I forget? For few days back then I forgot that He's always in control. He disciplined me real well and just when I thought I learned all there is to relearn that night, I was proved wrong. Dead wrong.

This would be a long night, I thought, least I could do was to survive. Blessed as I believe I had always been, fate arranged me to be with one of the very few people I look up to. Just as I expected, he gave me everything there was to give - he would debate on this though. He has so much to share that a lifetime of friendship would never be enough. Somehow, I hated my dramatic self taking the better of me again. I was overrated. Though he didnt have to, he stayed.

We barely noticed that the wind started to gather strength. The weather seemed to be in accordance with my inner turmoil, as it continuously broke down and cried with me, washing the street, washing the cars, I wonder, could it wash away my sorrow, too?

Soon, the flood. And the next 13 hours of lessons deeply seated in the clogged drainage of España.

Don't let dead things scare you.
Though we were reminded by Ratatouille, the sight of dead rats floating reminded me of dead things we let to take hold of our better self. Past hurts, bad memories, no matter how painful they may be - they're dead unless we grab them and shove them to our throats to paralyze take over. It's senseless yet paralyzing.

Try as it may, the rain can never dampen your spirit, nor can the sun ever burn your hands.
We crossed to KFC when, once again, as fate had it, one of the managers there saw us in 711 and "invited" us to stay there instead. It was unnerving that such innocent laughs can really make all the reasons to be pissed off can really exist.

A hole is there to caution us to pay attention.
Ruthless as it may sound, we laughed our bellies out of a couple of people who fell the manhole. Since it was impossible to avoid it, those KFC crew (bless their heart) took effort in warning people not to cross that particular side where a 5-foot manhole was hidden in flood. Some just didn't paid attention. They fell and shook their heads in disbelief. The realization that there was no one to be blamed but them as always would come a bit delayed - if only they listened.

BE first so you can HAVE

Amidst the flood, Sir Guard still wore his uniform and loyal to his duty, he still ushered the door. Only that he opened it for floodwater and scaredcats who desperately ran to avoid the "tsunami" of flood. It didnt even matter if we were drenched in kneehigh water inside and no sane person would swim the murky water just to munch on Hotshots. He knew who he is and acted such long before the situation called for it. I remember being told that you must

 you can HAVE. It's that principle right in front of my nose.

 

One foot in front of the other through roaches over bridges...

For more than half of the day, my friend walked barefoot while I used his GBX slippers, he was convincing that it didn't matter. His assurance of friendship caused him great discomfort and wasted time yet he stayed. I was sorry I had been an inconvenience. But then again, I was more than thankful he was there. I can make this melodramatic. But I'm just at a loss for words.

Looking back, It’s one of those moments, when I felt like I was facing a turning point in my life, may it be a major one or not. Changes have to come, and that night I invited them in. I laid them all spread out and think. I mean, really thought about them. That night, I felt that I faced a turning point, and that night, the flood made one.

It’s a night when I felt like conviction has managed to take over me, to look back, assess and change. And it just wouldn’t give me rest just like how the murky flood were splashed the windows of KFC and shattered the glass door of 711. And then, my whole being came to rest, my mind filled with satisfaction, while my body - of renewed strength, looking forward with a fresh sense of hope on the way to my Changes. There's still water but I walked on - heck, it hadn't been wet everywhere anyway.

After the flood, I felt this sudden peace. And I yawn. A well-deserved, all-out yawn. I’m ready to sleep. My pillows embraced me as I lay my jaded body surrendered wholly to His peace. My eyes were as curtains shut from the visions of this world. I see hope. Tomorrow will be a new day and I'd be brave to cross another flood with dead rats floating all over.

***

That day, KFC didnt just became the place where I hear priceless wisdom

and take notes of it too keen to apply them in my own life. KFC became the exact

same place where these priceless wisdom actually happened, where the people who work there live the words you'd only hear in self-help and leadership books. These are the people who deserve the stage - if only they knew.

Salute.

I'm back to school. I still have to fix a lot of stuffs but I know i'd finish this soon enough. I have a different point of view now, added the fact that my disposition in life changed rapidly. I now know what needs to be prioritized. I may have gained a better view of what really life is. I should start working my butt out and stand tall amidst the trials. No more tears. No more love hoolabaloos. I had the realization that my life is not all fancy and all marvin. I have a life to live. He's always part of it, of course. Maybe i'd be more disciplined now. Let him live life the way he wants it to be. That's how lovers are. Being together but letting each other grow within themselves. It would be best for me to focus my energy on my studies.

Bless me Oble!

 

Finally! After 2 months we'll watch a movie!

Weeeeee!

Ooops! not "a movie" it would be "movies"

Uh-huh?

Uh-huh!